We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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