my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
