doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
