yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
