do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it's like iHOP with fire
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
