I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
