Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
