I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
