I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
