I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
