If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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