My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
