I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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