Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
