people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
