O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
