Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
