The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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