he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
