Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize