Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
