Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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