About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
