plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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