you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
