my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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