Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
