u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
