i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
