The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i think my cat just said my name.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
