1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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