kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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