The maid of honor just puked.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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