you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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