I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
