In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
