if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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