alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
