dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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