If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
