There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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