girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
