From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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