i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
