We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
