There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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