Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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