Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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