she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
