i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
