tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
