I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
false alarm. still invincible.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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