You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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