mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
