Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
