I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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