I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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